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he points
to a crucifix
on the left side
of his neck

tells me he can end all
of your suffering
-

and i look at him
and i cross my arms, thinking
he can't even do this
and i asked him 'did that hurt?'
and he said 'yeah, it hurt like fuck'

i don't miss him
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthecheshercat:
TheChesherCat Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh...
Reply
:iconedithfinch:
EdithFinch Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Writer
This is an amazing piece of art. I, as a poet, thoroughly enjoy your work and the subtleties you slip into your poems. Very well done. I can't wait to read more!
Reply
:iconjohnnycade4evr:
JohnnyCade4EVR Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Whoa... This is good and strange and confusing in a wonderful way... Don't stop!
Reply
:iconartaniss87:
Artaniss87 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
Profoundly sad and beautiful.
Reply
:iconacidspades:
AcidSpades Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
Wow... that's pretty deep.
Reply
:iconlaurynmichella:
LaurynMichella Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I'm not usually into this kind of random poetry things, but this struck a chord. I love it! Well done:)
Reply
:iconjoephilliactheblack:
JoePhilliacTheBlack Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Powerful, yet endearingly sarcastic... ^_^
Reply
:iconnaraka7:
Naraka7 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
A dead man ends no one's suffering but his own.
Reply
:icontrent-shadowdragon:
Trent-Shadowdragon Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
This is a "poem?"  It looks like a dribble to me.  What the hell?  Do I get to say something banal about my day, call it a poem, and get dozens of favs?

I sit down on the tilting chair -
Broken as so many other things are -
The hammer of the piledriver across the street
Beats in time with my heart
My head pounds in rhythm.
I wish I had a whiskey and a whore right now.
Reply
:iconanila73:
anila73 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This isn't really criticism, this is just making fun of/complaining about free verse poetry. I'm not going to try and change your opinion, I'm just saying.
Reply
:iconpillowrabbit:
PillowRabbit Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your poem actually sounds really good.
Reply
:icontrent-shadowdragon:
Trent-Shadowdragon Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
I'd thank you, but since I don't think free verse is "real" poetry, it'd be kinda hypocritical of me!
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
if you're going to shit on someone, it's better you keep your mouth shut. this isn't critique, this is rudeness. manners still apply to the internet.
Reply
:icontrent-shadowdragon:
Trent-Shadowdragon Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
If you're too thin-skinned to stand criticism, either don't post your stuff where others can see it or disable comments.  If you're a narcissistic goober whoring for praise, then make sure the only people who see your stuff are the vapid types who'll never, ever, ever say a word out of place.

I don't think the writer's either -- notice she's not complaining.

Heard of punctuation and capitalization much, while I'm at it?
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
I personally look for critique. note that I say "critique" -- what was written was comprised of insult, nothing constructive. I don't know why people never get that that's the only bone to pick with criticism. but if you insist on being a dick, at least don't rehash your vitriol ;P
Reply
:iconxvlvxvr:
xvlvxvr Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't attempt to understand poetry because I hate writing it. I enjoy reading it, though, in all its crazy forms. I accept it all as poetry, because it is poetic to the mind that created it.

It's like the people who claim rap isn't music. It may not be to every single person who listens to it, but to some, it's the only way they know how to express themselves, and rap is the only thing that gets them through their day (banal as it may be).

Still, you have every right to express disdain for something you don't like. (The poet did put their poem out online for all to see, and I'm sure can take criticism in stride.) Just be aware that the way you worded your comment makes you come across as bitter, and not an honest critic (if that's what you were aiming for).

By the way, I really enjoyed your self-proclaimed "dribble" at the end of your comment. I think everyone could use some whiskey and a whore. (Serriously, that was awesome.)
Reply
:icontrent-shadowdragon:
Trent-Shadowdragon Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
And I could use some now!  (Happily, the piledrivers across the street are taking this rainy day off.)
Reply
:iconfurbish97:
furbish97 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
That's your opinion, there is no need to be so judgemental. Not all poems have to rhyme, it is in  no way obvious where it is going, nor is it boring. It has a very subtle meaning to it. The person who wrote this has feelings, you shouldn't be so harsh or cruel about someone's ideas.
Reply
:icontrent-shadowdragon:
Trent-Shadowdragon Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
Yeah, well, *I* have feelings, so that means you're wrong to criticize me.  Is that how you want to play it?

If you're too thin-skinned to stand criticism, either don't post your stuff where others can see it or disable comments.  If you're a narcissistic goober whoring for praise, then make sure the only people who see your stuff are the vapid types who'll never, ever, ever say a word out of place.

I don't think the writer's either -- notice she's not complaining.
Reply
:iconfurbish97:
furbish97 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
Yes i'm sure that you do, but this wasn't criticism it was plain rude. If you are going to criticise the writer at least give some pointers on how to improve if you feel that they need to. Otherwise watch the way you talk about someone elses work.
Reply
:iconwakawakadingdong:
wakawakadingdong Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
rekt
Reply
:icongamingkittyunderbed:
GamingKittyUnderBed Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Digital Artist
rofl
Reply
:iconsalk32:
salk32 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
3edgy5me
Reply
:iconrentintent:
rentintent Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Professional Writer
Perfect.
Reply
:iconerinbird:
ErinBird Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Photographer
hm very powerful - well done!
Reply
:iconguillermogage:
GuillermoGage Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The vibe I get is that the narrator is a teenage girl or young woman, who is some sort of deadpan snarker, and the guy with the crucifix tattoo on his neck is one of those types of quasi-pretentious experienced people who have tattoos on their neck. Like, she met him at a bus top or something.

but the artist's comment contintuation suggests that this is someone that the narrator knew personally for some extended amount of time in personal life, outside of some "tattooed stranger on a bus stop being preachy in that weird, ineffective bus stop way".

... but of course he can't cross his arms while on a crucifix. That's kind of the whole point.
:iconthatsthejokeplz:

I don't like tattooed people either. Especially ones who think their tattoos are important. That kind of vibe.
Reply
:iconarogrey:
AroGrey Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This made my day
Reply
:iconalice-shinigami:
Alice-Shinigami Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
He can't even do what?
Reply
:iconlunykstormdragon:
lunykstormdragon Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Writer
cross his arms, i think
Reply
:iconoorollinggirloo:
oORollingGirlOo Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I finally got it and...wow. That's subtle as hell but amazing concept.
Reply
:iconprinzlir:
prinzlir Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't often venture into the lit area of dA, but I'm feeling this poem. Superb execution of concept here. You're really talented!  
Reply
:iconnestharon:
Nestharon Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014   Writer
Quite a good concept.
Reply
:iconshadowfang53:
ShadowFang53 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Your poems are very memorable
Reply
:icontheweelad:
TheWeeLad Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
that is darkly amusing... you are good at this.
Reply
:iconproudtortoise:
ProudTortoise Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
"...and what kind of god went around letting himself get nailed to things?"
--Phillip Reeve
Reply
:iconxnorthwindx:
xNorthwindx Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Professional Photographer
The power of the cross is foolishness to those who don't believe.
Reply
:iconproudtortoise:
ProudTortoise Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
It is, isn't it.
Reply
:iconkatleidoscopic:
katleidoscopic Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I like your poems but I'm afraid this will cause a huge argument in the comments. :(
Reply
:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student Writer
Your  poems are always so memorable.
Reply
:icon237-indefinitetruth:
237-IndefiniteTruth Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student General Artist
('.')
Reply
:icondeknar:
Deknar Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
there goes a big fat bomb on christianity oh no she didn't 
Reply
:iconshewhoisawesome:
SheWhoIsAwesome Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student General Artist
What makes you say that?
Reply
:icondeknar:
Deknar Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Wait, doesn't poem mean that the guy is saying Jesus can "end all your suffering" and she says that Jesus can't even cross his arms because he's on the crucifix?
Reply
:icontempest-phyre:
Tempest-Phyre Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014   Digital Artist
I took it as that too, I'm unsure if you're Christian thoughu. 
Reply
:icondeknar:
Deknar Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I am, but I don't mind the poem, it's her opinion. But other butthurt people could take it seriously...
Reply
:iconshewhoisawesome:
SheWhoIsAwesome Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  Student General Artist
You couldn't find a synonym for ... "butthurt"?
Reply
:icondeknar:
Deknar Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
haha...what do you want me to say?
Reply
:icontempest-phyre:
Tempest-Phyre Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014   Digital Artist
Yeah, it's not that I mind the poem or anything, free verse and all. I only wonder why, that's it really, but thanks for replying.i
Reply
:icondeknar:
Deknar Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
no problem :D
Reply
:icondieterak94:
DieterAK94 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Nothing ever really takes away pain,
everything is more of a pill,
a placebo,
which still has side effects,
one that I remember faking to swallow,
so many times.

They smiled,
I feigned it,
then took that pill,
and left it on the sidewalk around the corner.
Reply
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