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a storm breaks inside
his mouth; my name washes up
on his tongue, stranded
blame
(but it's okay, it's okay)
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:iconcederlina:
Cederlina Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014
I agree, you have the talent to say very much with little words. 
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:iconedelinedawn:
EdelineDawn Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014
Oh my, that's intense...and so much is told in those few words. Brilliant!
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014
thank you very much! :thanks:
Reply
:iconedelinedawn:
EdelineDawn Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014
You're very welcome :)
Reply
:iconjustpromisemethis:
JustPromiseMeThis Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
All your poems are breathtaking. :heart:
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014
thank you so much :blush:
Reply
:iconaoi9875:
aoi9875 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This one leaves a sort of - disgust feeling behind.
Like feeling sickened... sick and tired. 
When you're recognizing the back and forth routine of a broken someone who wants you to fill them up
When you already knew that of them, and you're realizing its starting over again.

Something like that. 

Anyway, good write. 


Reply
:iconordinary-monster:
ordinary-monster Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014
Looking at this one together with a few of your other recent deviations and reading them one after the other, as if these were flashes of chapters in a longer story developing in the background... This text  is a great and concise piece of work and I like it on its own right, but intentional or not, the plot does seem to thicken between the deviations. 

And now that I got my conspiracy theory :D on the longer story ongoing, I wonder how long back it might go... Might as well be that individual texts are just that and they should be viewed as such. :) Still, if you ever get to publish your work elsewhere as I all the time more think you should, the order of the texts is pretty clever as they are here..!
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:iconlyrica-lee:
Lyrica-Lee Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Damn this is brilliant. Love it!
Reply
:iconnellie0224:
Nellie0224 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Two Thumbs Up Two Thumbs Up Two Thumbs Up Two Thumbs Up 
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Good one
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:iconiceangel1234:
IceAngel1234 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love every wood!~
Reply
:iconkitsunesk:
KitsuneSK Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I really like this one! Great use of analogies! :)
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:iconwolfnoom:
wolfnoom Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014   Digital Artist
really cool, specially love the first phrase " a storm breaks inside his mouth"
Reply
:iconemmaauditore:
EmmaAuditore Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student General Artist
I'm sorry but I'm really stupid can you explain it to me a bit?
Reply
:iconiceangel1234:
IceAngel1234 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're not stupid, I need an explanation too. xD
Reply
:iconemmaauditore:
EmmaAuditore Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Student General Artist
XD
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:iconiceangel1234:
IceAngel1234 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Like seriously lol
Reply
:iconemmaauditore:
EmmaAuditore Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Student General Artist
The piece of writing sound pretty... I just have no idea what is means lol
Reply
:iconiceangel1234:
IceAngel1234 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I agree, it does sound pretty. Its very complex, that's why.
Reply
:icondanimalgame:
danimalGAME Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
ok i know i say this a lot but this is amazing how the hell do you make things like this

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:iconeatyonumnumz:
eatyonumnumz Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
this has so much meaning; it's beautiful
Reply
:iconlizray:
LizRay Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
this is truly beautiful
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
thank you so much :tighthug:
Reply
:iconstichesbodybagttags:
stichesBodyBagTtags Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student Photographer
Heart 
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconvanepyrorocker:
VanePyroRocker Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student General Artist
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
:happybounce: Clap Meow :3 Love :D (Big Grin) 
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
thank you!! :heart:
Reply
:iconvanepyrorocker:
VanePyroRocker Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student General Artist
Hawkeye Welcome PLZ 
Reply
:iconvanepyrorocker:
VanePyroRocker Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student General Artist
 Hawkeye Welcome PLZ
Reply
:icondivided-by-cipher:
Divided-by-Cipher Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014
I wonder if you're a boy or girl (please be a boy please be a boy, hahaha)
Reply
:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
i'm a girl :)
Reply
:iconanila73:
anila73 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
well
Reply
:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
well well..
Reply
:iconcranehardcore:
craneHARDCORE Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014   General Artist
I don't know how you're always able to say so much with so little words. It's amazing.
Reply
:iconrosella-of-daventry:
Rosella-of-Daventry Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I have multiple interpretations of this one, I love it. :rose:
Reply
:iconrema-alkhany:
Rema-Alkhany Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014
oh my Good
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:iconshir0gane:
Shir0gane Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014   Writer
Ouch...

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:iconcarusmm:
carusmm Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Instead of "mouth", shouldn't it be "head"?
Reply
:iconenixeffex:
enixeffex Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014
not necessarily, mouth works depending on how you want to interpret it
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:iconlittleovertures:
LittleOvertures Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014
Beautiful 
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
thank you :blushes:
Reply
:iconlittleovertures:
LittleOvertures Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
Welcome<3
Reply
:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Simply wonderful~
Reply
:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
thank you! :blush:
Reply
:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :w00t:
Reply
:iconjohnashleigh:
JohnAshleigh Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014   Writer
I whole heartedly agree with MeiJing. You are an accomplished poet.

Regards,
John.
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:iconmeijing:
MeiJing Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist
The way your lines are set out creates a really tense atmosphere. You are a wonderful poet, I have to say.
Reply
:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
this is very kind of you, thank you so much :blush::rose:
Reply
:iconmeijing:
MeiJing Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist
You are most certainly welcome, my dear. 
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February 8, 2014
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