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December 8, 2013
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you forget that
roses have thorns;

a prick of the
skin will tell you
that you're holding
her too tight
cos she's not gonna say it
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:iconyournotmytype-89:
YourNotMyType-89 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Very elegant & heart-warming ^^
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:iconecho-of-echo:
Echo-of-Echo Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
    The link that the two 'stanzas' have is like a haiku, as is the semicolon. They seem to be two different statements but you linked them nicely with the rose symbolism. It's not the most original symbol to use, but since you don't focus too heavily on it you manage to keep the poem's solemnity and not make it trite.
 
   I don't know whether you are trying for fewer syllables but the word 'tight' should be an adverb, 'tightly,' to be proper grammar. I also think that the semicolon is out of place if you don't want to use any other punctuation including a period at the end. 

    The most obvious part of this poem is its size and simplicity. It leads to concision, and makes the poem to the point. You haven't embellished it with any flourish or extraneous language. But the brevity also leads to a plain feeling that errs more on the side of a text message than that of a poem. Still, the tiny number of words clearly adds a level of difficulty to the crafting of a poem. You managed to make the point understandable with a bare minimum of space used and that gives the poem a more serious quality. It is easier to believe this is a poem because of forms like the Haiku and the Cinquain. Clearly you have managed a popular style admirably. 


Written on behalf of GrammarNaziCritiques
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:iconsecondinfinity:
SecondInfinity Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014
You make me want to start writing poetry
I wish I knew how though D: 

But still, you're very inspiring
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014
this is a lovely thing to hear, thank you so much :tighthug:
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:iconcocobutters:
cocobutters Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
i really do like it :P
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:iconcocobutters:
cocobutters Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
interesting poem to honor your betrothed on v day for sure lol
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
haha, that would indeed be interesting :giggle:
Reply
:iconunisis-2-in-1-beauty:
Unisis-2-in-1-beauty Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Student General Artist
well written and beautiful.
thanks :)
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014
thank you very much :)
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:iconunisis-2-in-1-beauty:
Unisis-2-in-1-beauty Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Student General Artist
you are very much welcome ^-^
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love this
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
i'm glad you like it! :)
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you wrote it!
Reply
:icondaylightwritings:
daylightwritings Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so powerful!  I love it - great work :)
Reply
:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2013
thank you so much :thanks:
Reply
:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Student Writer
A poem needed for those who dare hold a rose. Treat them kindly, with respect and be courteous, fair and honest. Tend to her as if her needs and wants were your own. 
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013
i agree with this 100% :heart:
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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013   General Artist
:heart:
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013
:hug:
Reply
:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013   General Artist
:huggle:
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:iconsilentmockingbird7:
SilentMockingbird7 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very true. Don't smother her. ;) She was meant to spread and grow. ^_^
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:iconnightreign123:
Nightreign123 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Student Writer
Interesting.
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013
:)
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:iconnightreign123:
Nightreign123 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Student Writer
If I may ask, where did you get the inspiration for this poem?
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:iconselenagomez900:
SelenaGomez900 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Dude, I dedicate that to my exboyfriend. I mean there was nothing wrong with him other than how clingy he was sometimes, was kind of annoying. Oh well. Great poem though x3 Short but sweet.
Reply
:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013
ah, sorry about that :(
thanks though!
:hug:
Reply
:iconselenagomez900:
SelenaGomez900 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Welcome! :iconba-kyunplz:
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:iconsilvermarten:
SilverMarten Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So simple yet so true. :meow:
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013
:tighthug:
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:iconjunozpp:
JunozPP Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
Gorgeous. I'm very impressed :)
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013
thank you :tighthug:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
Wonderful. :heart:
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
thank you :hug:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome. :heart:
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:iconmysticmcr:
MysticMcR Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
Simple but meaningful, beautiful :)
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
thank you so much :hug:
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:iconmysticmcr:
MysticMcR Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
No problem :) I really love your poems, they're short so you can read them quickly but hold so much meaning you can't forget them. 
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:iconjosh592:
Josh592 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013   Writer
Nicely put.
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
thank you :)
Reply
:iconjosh592:
Josh592 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013   Writer
Welcome.
Reply
:icon8volaticus8:
8Volaticus8 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the simplicity in this poem and the sentiment within the metaphor. I wondered though, why you put 'skin' in the beginning of the fourth line, and not at the end of the third line? Thanks for posting this :)
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
glad you like it!
i spent a lot of time fiddling around with the lines on this while i was submitting it. each line ending seemed to bother me no matter where i put it, but in the end this was the one i was most comfortable with.
Reply
:icon8volaticus8:
8Volaticus8 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, those line breaks can be rather pesky sometimes ;) Thanks for answering my question :)
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:iconrainbowcharizard:
RainbowCharizard Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
perfect<3
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconhugomndz:
HugoMndz Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing as simple .___.
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
thank you :thanks:
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:iconleftenant-panther:
Leftenant-Panther Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Simplicity is the most pleasing beauty. I like your style.
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
thank you! i'm glad you like it :hug:
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:iconjinchuruki-gojira:
Jinchuruki-Gojira Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Student General Artist
:heart: oh wow... that was... wow~ amazing!!!
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